The Path to Heaven
by danceforevergirl
Summary: Rose loves Scorpius, that much is true. But love can be blind, deaf, and dumb, and when things go downhill, some people don't know how to find their way out. They need someone to support them. Rose found that person in a boy she met on the train.
1. Chapter 1

**A.N. Hi! This story was previously called, "The Path to Heaven Runs Through Miles of Clouded Hell" and I realized it was a mouthful, so I changed it to, "The Path to Heaven". Okay? Enjoy!**

I slide open the glass door soundlessly and step into the small compartment. A somewhat frail girl is sitting on one of the cushioned seats, her nose buried in some Muggle book with a red carousel horse on the cover, legs propped up on the seat opposite hers.

"Mind if I sit?" I ask, a slight smile crossing my face. This girl looks pathetic. All alone in a compartment, _reading_?

She glances up. A dark red lock falls over her eye, and she blows it back into place, directing a small stream of air up towards her forehead. She's fairly pretty actually, with a flowing blue top on and fiery red hair curling down her back, hanging like a curtain around her pale face as she hunches over her book. Strangely familiar.

"Well, I guess. Scor'll be back soon though. Prefect stuff," she says, pulling her long legs down and closing her book, dog-earing it to mark the spot she left off. She tucks her hair behind her ear.

I sit and speak up, trying to spark some kind of conversation. After all, she doesn't look so lame with the book set aside and her hair brushed back.

"So, who are you?"

She smiles and shakes her head, laughing.

"That's hardly any way to talk to somebody. We'll work on it though. My name's Rose Weasley. And yours?"

"Finnigan."

She raises an eyebrow, prompting more out of me.

"Killian Finnigan."

This girl is starting to get on my nerves. Reminds me of someone's mum or something.

_Come on. You can manage an hour. It's too late now to find another compartment. They're all full, and Avery won't be back for a little while. She's not _that _bad._

"Why're you alone though? I mean, you're a Weasley, don't you have a bunch of cousins?"

"Nah. Hugo went off with Albus somewhere, and God only knows where the rest are."

I laugh.

"Anyways, you said you were a Finnigan, right? Like Seamus Finnigan?"

"Yeah, he's my pa."

"You have his accent. It's um… quite cute actually," she says, blushing, "My dad told me all about that. Not you- I mean, his accent… Who's your mom?"

"I don't really have one."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did she pass away?"

"Not really."

"What happened then?" she says, annoyingly persistent.

"Well, I never really had one I guess. My pa's gay. He married my dad about twenty years back."

She looks down and just sits there, head hanging.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to-" she says in an apologetic tone.

"It's fine. I'm just not the type to advertise that sort of thing, y'know?"

"Mhm," she agrees, "who'd he marry?"

She looks up, her face free of the previous guilt, yet still somber.

"His friend from when they were in school. Dean. I love him, a lot, even though Pa's my real father…"

_Why are you revealing this sort of stuff to someone you just met?_

She speaks up cheerily, trying to change the mood, "On that note, what year are you in?"

"Sixth, you?"

"Only fifth. I've seen you around a few times though, in the common room. Ravenclaw right?"

I nod and she smiles. She looks pretty when she smiles.

"Come on and sit with me."

I return her grin and do so, standing up and moving over as to be closer, skin touching. Something about this girl intrigues me. She seems smart. Smart and pretty. Every minute she gets less annoying and more mysterious. More beautiful.

I hear the door open quietly and look up to see a tall blonde standing in the doorway.

"Hey Scor! How was the prefect meeting?" she says enthusiastically.

"Fine. Who's he?"

His voice is flat and dull. Laced with something as well. Something cold.

"It's Killian," I inject, "you're the Malfoy, correct?"

My voice isn't much friendlier.

I stand and hold out a hand, only to have the boy push past me forcefully and take my old spot next to Rose. I feel awkward and strangely out-of-place standing there as he whispers in her ear and she shakes her head vigorously, a calm fire in her eyes.

"I'll… go find Avery now, I guess. Bye Rose."

"Bye then, Killian. See you later?"

"Yeah," I form a tight smile and step out of the compartment. Quickly, the blinds pull down behind me. There's faint talking and I pause outside the door leading to the room I had just left.

"Scor! Grow up already! He's just a friend! You're being way too overprotective!"

Rose's voice is full of frustration.

"But Rose, you don't even know him!"

"Well, who said I was going to jump in bed with him?"

"Well it sure looked that way!"

"You're just jealous, huh? Jealous that other people have my attention? I was only talking to him. It doesn't do any harm! Just because you're anti-social, doesn't mean I'm going to stop having friends just to please you!"

"Rose!" he yells, in a rage. A faint slapping sound comes from within the sliding doors. I hear the noise and the shocked silence that fills the air after wards, broken only by a lone, feeble sob. I must have imagined it. There's no other…

His voice speaks up again, this time barely audible, and I have to press my ear to the window to hear anything.

"I love you, you know that right?"

No sound comes from the compartment for a few seconds, and then a tired voice whispers out, "I love you more."

Scorpius speaks again in a comforting tone.

"I know you do. Come here."

Her sobs continue and I take my ear off the cold glass. What did he do to her? They can't be together. He can't have hit her. How could he?

I head down the aisle until I reach the compartment where Avery is waiting for me. I stay there and laugh with him half-heartedly until we're safe at Hogwarts. At home.

…

"Hey, wait up!"

I call out in the corridor, my voice echoing off the walls as I run after the redheaded girl ahead of me, robes billowing out farther with every stride.

"Rose!"

She whirls around in a flurry of freckles and her face lights up, smiling as her eyes meet mine.

"Hey… Killian?"

"Yeah," I laugh, "Killian. You need help?"

She was laden down with two large messenger bags, both stuffed with books of all sizes and rolls of parchment.

She hiked one up further up on her shoulder and responded in a determined voice, "I'm fine. Scorpius wanted me to bring his stuff up to the library for him, and I told him I could do it. It's not that much further."

"No," I say, reaching out and heaving one up onto my own shoulder, indifferent to the weight, "let me help you."

"Well, thanks. I guess."

"You're welcome," I say, bending into a small bow and relishing in her fragile laugh. Like a butterfly, it travels around the hall and lands on my cheek, tickling me with its wings.

There's a small silence before I speak again.

"Listen Rose, I was thinking, and I wanted to know if you would like to spend some more time together, maybe study sometime?"

Her voice is cautious when she finally speaks, treading softly, as if scared of what she might awaken inside me.

"Listen, don't get me wrong, I want to… badly, but I can't. If Scor ever found out, he wouldn't like it. I'm really sorry," she says, taking my hand in hers gently.

"He's your boyfriend, huh?"

She nods, and noticing my slight disappointment, she responds with an edge in her tone.

"And a good one at that. He treats me right. I could do a lot worse."

A small smile tugs at the corners of my lips, but I fight it off. She's cute when she tries to be serious.

"He doesn't like me, does he?"

She pauses.

"Well, he feels threatened is all. It's not that important. I reassured him that you were just a friend, but if he sees us together again…"

We're still now, hands clasped, eyes connected.

"It's okay. I should be going now anyways."

I try to walk away, but her hand is tight in mine.

"Wait. Meet me after supper, in the front courtyard. We can take a walk or something. Scor won't have to know."

A mischievous smile spreads across her face as she lets go of my hand, leaving it cold and empty. I pull her bag off of my shoulder and place it gingerly on hers.

"Bye," I say, walking ahead, only to find Rose walking in the same direction. I correct myself awkwardly, "I'll just- um, go this way…"

She laughs and the bright yellow butterfly of her voice follows me down the corridor.

…

"You," the blonde spits out, taking a large step towards me, voice full of contempt, "what were you doing with my girlfriend?"

His tall figure looms above me, eyes gleaming with cleverly disguised anger and arms stiff at his sides. He manages to appear indifferent. Indifferent and cold.

"Shagging like rabbits," I say, my smart-alecky Irish blood coming into action.

"Don't you-"

"Calm down, dipshit. We were talking, kay? No big deal."

"You better have been," he says, more and more heads turning towards us, "stay away from my girlfriend, leprechaun."

My face goes dark red and on his last word I line up my blow and bring my fist back, landing it cleanly between his ribs. He doubles over, sputtering and spitting out hexes to no avail. I stand, push him aside, and pull open the door leading out of the common room, ignoring the hushed whispers and fingers pointing my way.

…

I climb down the stairs one by one, lingering on each for a few seconds before dropping down to the next. The truth is sinking in. The Malfoy boy isn't going to let me near her. It's best to cut things off before…. before I grow too attached. Attached to her dark red hair and blue eyes. Her smile and her laugh.

"Hi," she says, meeting my gaze as I drop down to the last step, landing in a small, stone alcove, the cold night air chilling my skin through my robes, "glad you decided to come."

She has a small smile on her lips and her hair is tied back into a mess of curls atop her head that still manages to look beautiful. The plain Hogwarts uniform fits just so over her body and clings tight to her figure.

"Well, I wanted to see you. Let's go out by the lake. I know a spot."

I start off to a tree off by the edge of the sparkling lake. So many diamonds on the surface, darkness below it. Some people are like that. They can put up a cover, a cover to hide the hurt inside. Or to hide the hate.

"It's so pretty," she says, voice loud against the still silence surrounding us. I sit against the base of the tall tree and smile as she does the same. We just stay that way for many minutes, breathing and watching the puffs of air escape our mouths. She looks so cold.

"Rose," I ask, "do you ever wish you could freeze time?"

"I guess," she replies, "but some moments you just want to skip over. Leave behind, you know what I mean?"

"Definitely. The days when you're not quite right inside. When you're different."

"That, and other things too. Worse things."

"Like what?"

"Nothing. Nothing."

She edges her hand closer to mine on the cold earth and I edge my hand closer to hers until they're clasped together once more, comfortable in their places.

"Nothing," she mutters once more.

I can't bear to do it. Not now. Tomorrow then, tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

I slip a small note into Rose's hand, watching as she unfolds it slowly and reads the words on it silently, her long hair falling onto the Arithmancy homework below.

_Come on. Let's go outside. Too stuffy in here. Need fresh air. The tree?_

She nods at me, smiling.

I stand, gathering an assortment of books and papers, slipping them into my bag and dropping a few, creating a loud noise. I ignore the dirty look the librarian slips me. Leading the way and listening to the small footsteps behind me, echoing my every move, I head out towards the same tree from the night before.

We're so carefree together. Friends, is what I would call it. I don't fancy her, but I can appreciate her beauty and wit. She's kind and independent. Good company.

We sit on the damp earth and she wraps her robes a bit tighter around her body, trapping in her body heat. She speaks up.

"Kil? Thanks for helping me study. I know you don't really enjoy sitting in the library, but I like having you there. Scor doesn't always like to spend the whole day with me."

"No problem. I just like being with you," I say, a bit more sheepishly than I would have preferred, "so, are you going to the Yule Ball this year?"

"Scor hasn't asked me yet."

"Isn't that just a given though? Your going with your boyfriend?"

"I don't really know anymore," she pauses, "anyways, who are you going with?"

"I'm not. Balls never were my scene. And it's too late to ask anyone now. It's a week away."

Her face goes somber and she whispers out a delayed confession.

"I'm not going, you know. Giovanna told me Scorpius asked her to the ball."

There's a small silence. She's so raw, just blurting that out like she did.

"Rose," I say, my voice soft and comforting, yet cautious, "he's not worth getting worked up over."

"I love him though."

"Shhh."

She rests her head on my shoulder, and I take her hand, running my fingers over the small golden ring she wears.

"Rose, if you wanted… you could go with me."

"But, I thought balls weren't your scene," she says, lips turning up into a small smile.

"Well, I can survive one night."

"Then I'd be happy to go with you."

I'm going to the Yule Ball with Rose Weasley. I shouldn't feel this happy. I mean, we're just friends. We're just friends.

…

"Damn it Rose! What's your problem!"

"Stop!"

"You're such a whore sometimes! Throwing yourself on the first guy you see!"

"Scorpius!"

A thudding sound as she's pushed against the wall. A sobbing sound as she lets him hold her there, and when he mutters his apology, a silence as he kisses her. She lets him.

I turn the corner and they pull apart. Rose looks helpless, a frail girl with no means of protecting herself from this… monster. Monster with the slicked back hair and grey, lifeless eyes. She tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and shoots me a faint smile. There's fear in her eyes.

"Keep walking, prick."

_Killian, you can't leave her with him. Don't listen to Malfoy. He just wants you gone so he can do whatever he wants to his girlfriend. _

My feet betray me as I walk away obediently, failing Rose. The monster pulls her in again.

…

"Killian, what did you see there yesterday?"

Her voice is steady and a seriousness is filling the air. I look out to the glittering diamond lake as I reply.

"Everything."

"Everything?"

I nod my head, still staring out into the deep water, and she lowers hers.

"Listen, it's nothing okay? We were just arguing. He just gets a bit carried away sometimes."

"But that not normal. Normal people don't hit their girlfriends," I say, persistent.

"He never hit me."

"I heard what happened on the train."

"That was different. I deserved it. He doesn't like me talking to people when he's not there. He thought I was- flirting with you."

Her face goes slightly red, and she looks down once more.

"Still, he has no right to tell you who you can and can't talk to."

"I don't mind."

"Well, you should. He shouldn't be that way to you. You can't let him."

"Okay," she sighs, admitting defeat, "I'll talk to him."

I lift my arm up and wrap it around her shoulders gently. She winces as my fingers brush against her shoulder-blade. I pause and look at her worriedly, before cautiously pushing aside the cloth of her blouse that covers her back. A blue mark spreads across her left side, staining her pale skin with its darkness.

"Rose. He did this to you, huh?"

"I'm fine."

I retract my arm and pull out my wand, tapping it to the bruise and murmuring a spell under my breath. My healing powers work their magic and she sighs in relief as the pain melts away and the mark melts back into her skin.

"Talk soon, okay? Promise me."

"I promise."

She suppresses a tear and sniffles into my robes as she leans against me. I whisper out a melody in her ear, a fitting one. My dark voice rings out and bounces off the water back towards us. I don't sing usually, but for her, exceptions can be made.

_I'll be your crying shoulder,_

_I'll be love suicide,_

_I'll be better when I'm older,_

I hesitate, but continue slowly.

_I'll be the greatest fan of your life…_

The lyrics don't mean anything. They're just words put to music. There's no feeling behind them. None at all.

…

I roll over onto my side. The nights seem much longer here. Rose fills my dreams. Sweet dreams that quickly turn to nightmares when his figure appears, beating and cursing, his words stinging flesh. I care for her, I know that much. But fancying her. That's another thing.

Do I fancy her?

_Killian, listen. You don't like Rose, okay? You just feel for her. You need to get her away from Malfoy. He'll hurt her bad if you don't._

I need to keep her safe. I've known her four months and I already care for her like hell. Unfortunately, she doesn't tend to have that effect on everyone.

…

As I walk past, a hand grabs me by the wrist. I'm face to face with him.

He speaks, spitting out words with venom.

"You asked my girlfriend to the ball."

"So, you asked the Zabini girl."

"That's different. I have a right."

"And she doesn't?"

"Stop questioning me. You're the one who asked my girlfriend out."

"We're going as friends, you arse, and while we're playing the accusation game, who was it that pushed her up against a wall? Not me."

His face goes red with fury and shock.

"I would _never _hurt Rose."

I raise my hands in mock surrender.

"Fine, fine. But when she realizes she doesn't actually love you, she'll know who to go to."

"You've only met her a few months ago! How could you think you have a chance?"

"Well she's going out with you isn't she? And anyways, I told you, I don't fancy her."

I back away from the boy and continue walking to Transfiguration.

…

"I talked to him today," she says closing her book.

"Mhm."

"He didn't want to, but we talked."

"And…"

"And, we made up. He knows I don't fancy you or anything now. He was just mad that I didn't ask him if I could study with you and stuff. I made him promise to let me do what I want now. So, we can hang out whenever. To tell the truth, I was starting to get sick of his rules. But now, it's all better."

"That's good. No bruising?"

"No bruising," she says, "Y'know, it's sad that you even have to ask. Ask whether he's beat me today or not. Sometimes, I think it would be better without him at all, but then I realize I could never leave him."

I'm completely zoned out. My head is blank and empty. I can't tell whether I'm happy for her, or worried. More angry. She's still so blind, making excuses for his behavior. I snap out of my dreamlike state and speak.

"Come on, let's go for a swim," I say, standing up, feeling impulsive.

"But I don't have anything to change into, and it's got to be freezing," she replies with skepticism and a slight bit of confusion at my changing the subject so quickly.

"Whatever. I'm going in, with or without you."

I smirk silently as I shrug off my robe and unbutton my shirt. An expression of shock is plastered on Rose's face.

"You're not really going to-"

I nod my head and strip off my shirt, pants, and shoes, so that I'm dressed only in a pair of red checkered boxers.

"Killian! Don't you dare go in there!"

Disbelief crosses her face as I wade into the shallow water near the shore, until I'm up to my chest in the cold. I shiver, but slowly my body adjusts to the temperature and I turn and look back towards Rose.

"Come on, live a little!" I call out across the water.

She sighs, probably thinking that if things go wrong she can blame me for it. She pulls one arm out of her robe and then the other, revealing a small skirt and white blouse, contrasting perfectly with the blue tie hanging from her neck.

"Turn around you creep!" she says, laughter edging in her voice.

I do, and soon hear the unmistakable noise of a figure swimming out in my direction. Rose pops up beside me and smiles. She's dressed only in a blue bra and knickers, yet doesn't seem to be uncomfortable.

"Aren't you cold?"

"Insulation charm. Page one-hundred-and-thirteen, Standard Book of Spells: Grade Three. You've probably never read it," she says, a small smirk on her face.

At that I reach out a hand and splash her, directing droplets of water up towards her face and laughing as they drip off of her nose.

"Killian Finnigan."

There's cleverly disguised laughter in her voice as she spits out each word. Almost like a parent scolding their child.

She splashes me back suddenly and so it goes on, until we're both tired and soaked through the skin. I just stand there, looking into her eyes with a leftover smile on my face. Her eyes are a light blue, and they match mine perfectly, down to the shading. She wades a bit closer and places her hands on my waist.

"Rose."

She leans in slowly, a fear in her eyes, and I'm thinking, "No. You can't," but it's all just an attempt at hiding this part of me from myself. I find myself coming closer and soon my arms are wrapped around her neck.

Her lips meet mine softly in a chaste kiss, the type of movies. It's sweet and short, but just enough to know it's right. Perfect even.

She looks up at me and drops her hands.

"Kil?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. That was wrong and…"

"It's okay. I'm not like him."

At the reminder of Malfoy she squeezes her eyes shut and replies slowly.

"No. I shouldn't have. I- I need to go. If he ever… I just got back his trust…. I love him…."

"Rose. Let me ask you one question."

There's a certain seriousness in the air as she pauses, staring into my eyes with honesty.

"Do you really love him?"

She takes a deep breath and utters out the words she needs to say.

"No. I don't love him."

She whirls around, moving as quickly as she can through the water, leaving ripples behind her, the waves circling around where she used to be. I watch as she pulls on her blouse and skirt, running off towards the school. She leaves her book sitting at the base of the tree.

I sigh and wade back towards shore, putting my clothes on and casting a drying spell. I reach down and pocket the small red novel. I'll have to return it later. If she'll speak to me that is.

I don't even fancy her. But when she leaned in like that, she was so fragile and innocent. I had to let her. Neither of us knew what was happening anyways.

_Calm down Killian. You didn't do anything, 'kay? It was all her. She kissed you._

I didn't try to stop her though, so what does that make me?

…


	3. Chapter 3

I sit and shiver on the circle of cold stone beneath me, but I don't bother pulling on another layer of clothing. I like the feel of the damp air. Fresh. I reach a tentative hand out of my shelter and smile as the chorus of raindrops hit my bare skin and the ground below, soaking the part of my sleeve that's exposed. The sound they make is hollow and empty, yet soft and comforting, singing me a lullaby.

_Tlop, tlop, tlop._

I grab my discarded robe and pull out the small book Rose'd been reading for the past few months. The horse on the cover rides above a city shrouded in darkness. The title shines out in yellow letters. She must really like this book to have been reading it for all this time. I part the pages and flip through until a highlighted passage catches my eye.

"This fall I think you're riding for - it's a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement's designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own environment couldn't supply them with. Or they thought their own environment couldn't supply them with. So they gave up looking. They gave it up before they ever really even got started."

I adjust myself so that I'm leaning up against the pillar, the one built into the small alcove that looks out across the courtyard and past the trees to the forest. There's a small note written into the margin of the page next to the section I just read.

_"Don't."_

_ Hm._

She must have written this as a motivator of sorts. It's a deep passage, at least in my opinion, and although the ink mark is easy enough to understand, the meaning behind it isn't.

_Why would she put something like that? _

Because of Scorpius Malfoy?

I don't know really, so I pull my legs down and pick up my robe, walking back to the tower, where I can watch the rain while sitting next to the fire as it licks at my toes.

…

I see her figure hiding in the corner of the library with a certain blonde's arm wrapped around her. I walk up quickly and tap her shoulder with my wand, turning her shirt blue on accident.

_Damn nerves._

She turns with a frown and murmurs the counter spell.

"Rose. We need to talk," I say, trying to make my voice as firm as possible.

I see Malfoy grimace, but he holds back his disgust and disapproval, probably for Rose's sake.

"I'm busy right now."

"Rose."

"Fine," she says exasperatedly, and turns to her boyfriend with a flutter of the eyelashes, "I'll be back in a minute love."

_She's purposely doing that just to make me tick. The damn flirt. _

No. I'm turning into him. No.

_No you're not. You could never become him._

I shake off the feeling as I grab her hand and pull her outside into an empty corridor, ignoring her whine of protest. The rain beats down above our heads on the stone roof as I speak in a strong voice.

"Listen to me. Ever since yesterday, you haven't been talking to me. You've been blatantly ignoring everything, and instead you've been spending all your time with _him_."

"His name is Scorpius," she says, voice defiant, "and he's trying. He really is."

"Whatever. The point is, ever since you kissed me, you've been keeping your distance. You're clinging to Malfoy like he's all you have left. I know you didn't mean to kiss me, I didn't mean to let you, but we can't keep skirting around it anymore. We both know the kiss was a mistake, and it's over now. Okay?"

"Okay," she replies, giving in with a sigh.

"Forgiven?"

"Forgiven," she says, a bit breathier than before, "thanks."

She reaches up and wraps both arms around my neck, holding me close. I can't help but remember that my hands were around her neck the other day. The day we kissed and I felt something.

…

"He wants me to come with him. To his house over Christmas," she says with a sigh, acknowledging the inevitable.

"But what about Zabini?"

"I don't know. I guess Scor just changed his mind, because now he wants me to meet his parents."

"So?" She shoots me a look with a furrowed brow, and I continue, "Well, I mean are you going to?"

"I don't really want to, but what choice do I have?"

"Tell him you're not going."

"But, what if he-"

"Then he'll have me to deal with, okay? He won't hurt you. Not on my watch," I reply, smiling at her sad eyes. "Lighten up, hun. You said yourself, he's gotten better. I saw him yesterday, and he seemed like he was trying. And that's what matters now."

"You're right. He's been trying, and now all he wants is for me to go visit his parents," she pauses and then speaks again matter-of-factly, "You know, I should. I really should."

"Well-"

"The ball huh," she realizes, shutting her eyes, "I want to go, really, but you have to understand. I owe Scorpius this much."

"Yeah, sure," I reply half-heartedly.

So, there goes my date. Whatever. It doesn't matter. She never really was _my _date anyways. She just agreed to go with me because her arsehole boyfriend dumped her for someone else. Now she gets to spend more time with Arsehole and less with me. I won't see her for three weeks. Yay.

There really are a lot of complications with being "just friends".

…

I open the book yet again, but this time instead of flipping through without any purpose, I go straight to the first page. The print is tiny and the font is funny, but I begin to read the words.

_If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth._

This kid is amusing. He talks to you like he's right there next to you, telling his story. It's pretty personal. I find myself slowly reading through the first chapter and then the next, before I force myself to set the book down. Savor it. Savor the way the pages smell and the noise they make when they turn.

_This is why Rose loves reading. All the little things make the actual words better._

Pulling back the cover, I search for an inscription, and read the handwritten note on the inside.

_Rose Lavender Weasley began reading this book October 23, 2020._

She read this three years ago.

I smile and grope around in my drawer for a quill and ink. Finding some, I dip the nib into the bottle quickly and scratch out my own message. After all, I won't be giving this book back for a while.

_Killian Dean Finnigan began reading this book December 19, 2023._

Satisfied, I shut the book and place it on my nightstand, falling asleep slowly, dreaming dreams of home and Pa.

Pa always knows what to do. He would tell me just how get Rose for myself. How to keep her safe. I miss him. Dad too, don't get me wrong, but I've always been closer to Pa. He's my flesh and blood after all. We have a bond, something I just don't have with Dad.

It can't really be explained I guess. Sleeping is easier.

…

"This is goodbye I guess."

"Oh, shut up Kil!" she says playfully. "You'll see me in a few weeks. Stop being so melodramatic."

She smiles and wraps her arms around me, pulling me close. I do the same and she drops her arms after a few seconds.

"I'm sorry about the ball. I really am. I know it's only a few days away now, and I wanted to go with you-"

"It's fine. I don't really like fancy stuff anyways. No big deal."

"Really?" she says, face lighting up slowly.

"Yeah. Don't worry about me. Just have fun. I'll be okay."

"You really should go and see your parents."

"Nah."

"Okay," she singsongs, "but you know where I am if you need me."

"And what if you need me?"

"Need you?" she asks, smiling secretively. "I have a feeling that's not going to happen."

The whistle blasts and she speaks hurriedly as Scorpius walks up.

"I gotta go now. Bye, Kil!"

She leans up and plants a kiss on my cheek quickly before whirling away, her boyfriend's arm wrapped around her waist protectively. He picks up his bag and carries it onto the train, disappearing past the platform door. Rose follows shortly after, glancing back and flashing me a smile before vanishing in the same fashion.

There goes Merry Christmas.

…

I lie back on the couch, wincing at the creaking sound the springs make. The music from the Great Hall is faint in the distance and I can hear Professor McGonagall giving the opening speech. Applause rings out and I begin to wonder.

_How did I end up like this? Christmas Eve, all alone in the common room, listening to music coming from a ball downstairs. I should go. Just for the fun of it. There'll be other people I know there. I won't be truly alone._

Nah.

I walk up the stairs leading into the boy's dormitory. Opening my door hesitantly, I remember there's no one here; they're all having fun downstairs. I sit on my bed for a few minutes, contemplating whether or not to attend, before I grab the book I had been reading a few nights before and head back down leisurely to relax and read in peace.

I stop when I see that Rose is sitting on the couch facing the tower door, hair tied loosely into an elaborate up-do, back exposed in a silver gown that falls perfectly over her figure. She turns at the sound of my breathing behind her and smiles as she meets my eyes happily.

"My Aunt Fleur lent it to me," she says.

"Rose. You look-"

I'm at a loss for words at her beauty.

She blushes and looks down at her hands, which are fiddling with the hem of the dress.

"How did you get here?"

"I flooed. I realized how… inconsiderate it was of me to just brush you off, so I, um, I asked Scorpius's parents if I could stay here for the rest of the holiday. They think I'm doing some premature studying for my O.W.L.'s."

I grin.

"Go get dressed fool!" she urges, standing and pushing me back up the stairs.

I oblige and dress hurriedly, buttoning up the dress robes my mother had packed and running my hand over my hair, cut in the same way my Pa's had been all those years ago. I tie my shoes quickly and run down the stairs, pausing right before the end and walking into the common room coolly.

"Ready?" I ask.

"Let's go," she replies. "But when we get back, you better explain to me why you have my book."

I smile and hold her hand in mine, relishing it's warmth as we head down, following the music into the Hall, decorated in white with snowflakes falling, evaporating just before they hit the floor. We walk out into the middle of everything, the people and tables and Christmas trees, and our hands separate. I place one of mine on Rose's waist gingerly and she takes my other in hers. She smiles as we begin to dance, a flurry of black and silver, twirling about and looking like the world was elsewhere. There's just us.

The song changes at least five times before a slow tune plays, the type where Rose rests her head on my shoulder and we rock to the music, letting it fill us up. I whisper into her ear quietly.

"Thanks for coming back." I pause. "For me, I mean. You look beautiful."

I feel her lips curl up into a smile against me and I hold her tighter as she slowly picks up her head.

"Let's go sit."

I let her lead me out to a small table, surrounded by cushioned seats. She sits on one and I take the cue, sitting right next to her. I make the decision. I don't want to bring it up, not now, but it's for the best. Just to get it out of the way.

"Rose, I just want to let you know, I'm happy as long as you are. Whether you're happy with Malfoy or anyone else."

My voice is slow and deliberate. She hesitates.

"I'm not though," she replies in a breathy voice, "I told you myself... I didn't love him, but I couldn't bear to leave him. Not after all the effort he'd made. And then, the other day on the train, I thought that coming clean would be the best thing. So, I told him everything. And he did it again. The yelling. No bruising, but yelling. He told me to go back. That if I wanted to be with you so badly, I should. So I took my things and left. And now, I don't know what to do. I can't go back. I won't. He wouldn't let me anyways. We're done now."

"Rose."

She's on the brink of tears, but I reach out and hold her close to me, absorbing her body heat. I was wrong. Anytime would have been better than now.

"Rose."

Once more.

"You can stay with me. Spend Christmas with me here. If you have your stuff, you can just stay in your dorm."

She looks up into my eyes and smiles as she inches in a bit closer. I do too and we're just there, almost kissing. We have this connection for that second, like we're sending each other signals that neither can read, but I can tell they're good. I realize now. I love Rose Weasley. I can't deny it anymore. I'm in love with her, and her books, and her hair, and her ex-boyfriend. Everything that's a part of her. I don't want to have her to myself though; I just want to be with her.

To hear her murmur of "I love you too."

She leans back and speaks up.

"Okay, thanks."


	4. Chapter 4

I hear Rose coming down the stairs behind me. I turn and stare out of the window, onto the snow covered courtyard below, the expanse of white only broken by tiny pockmarks where the newest rain has fallen through. She walks up and sits across from me on the window seat, propping her feet up on the cushion, causing me to hug mine to my chest unconsciously, giving her room. Her pajama pants are patterned with red checkers, and her figure is hidden beneath a large t-shirt, hair tied up into a messy bun atop her head.

"You know," she starts, following my gaze out towards the lake through the frosty glass. "It's a lot homier around here than at his house. It was so…empty there and every sound got echoed around the place, like a cave. His parents were nice and everything, but the house was always too still, like it was waiting for something."

"Sounds like him."

"I guess," she says, turning towards me, "What's your house like?"

"Well… I guess my Pa's always pretty excited about something or another, but Dad's a bit more quiet and reserved, always trying to keep things in check. The house sort of reflects that; cozy, yet neat."

She smiles and looks down at her hands, sitting in her lap.

"It's always busy in my house. When it's just my family, it's pretty calm, but then again, it's never just us. There's always someone, whether it's Uncle Harry or Teddy or someone like that. Sometimes I wish it was just me and Mum and Pa and Hugo, but then- then I realize how much I'd miss everybody else."

"You're lucky, y'know that right? I only have Pa and Dad. I mean, I met my grandparents, the ones from Dad's side, and they were nice enough I guess, but they both died last year. And the other ones- they disowned Pa…when they found out."

"Really?" she whispers out in one breath, more of a prompt than a true question.

"Yeah, my grandmother had always been temperamental, or that's what Pa tells me at least. When she heard, she just… I guess he's always been a bit like her on the inside."

I smile and run my hand through my hair nervously.

"You're a lot like him aren't you? Your Pa."

My mind jolts at that and I remember a moment, back in August. Pa and I sitting out on the porch, watching Jackson run across the field, chasing a tennis ball through the grass without a care in the world. I remember him confessing to me his greatest fear.

I swallow and speak up slowly.

"He told me once that he was terrified I might end up like him. That I might get all of his bad and none of his good. And, I guess I did. He tries to act like I'm everything he ever wanted, but I can tell he's disappointed in a way. He knows I'm just like him, the bad parts at least."

"No," she says, pausing, "I mean, you may have his bad, but you have his good too. If you didn't, how would you put up with me? Why would you let me stay here with you?"

"Well, it is your dorm."

"Still, it's the thought that counts."

"Such a girly thing to say."

She grins and I can't help but return the smile.

"Well, maybe if you can't take my girliness, I'll just transfer to Slytherin or something. I bet they'll appreciate my feminine wiles," she says, joking around again.

"Whatever, Ms. Feminine Wiles."

I turn back towards the window and lift up a finger to draw on the condensation gathering on the glass. Soon, we're both at it, doodling little figures and drawings until there's no more space and the entire window is covered in lines and shapes. Rose clears a spot completely and points out towards the lake.

"We should go there again. When the weather warms up, I mean."

"Yeah, we should."

We're both silent for a minute before I speak up.

"So, did your folks send you anything good for Christmas?"

"Well, if a jumper from my grandma and a book from Mum count, then sure. I mean, the book was a first edition copy of A History of Magic, so I'm not complaining, but I wish Hugo would have given me something other than a hand-drawn card. He's fourteen; I think he can do a bit better than that."

I feel the corners of my mouth turn up and I give in, letting myself smile. I tuck my hand into the pocket of my sweatshirt and run my finger along the edge of the long parcel inside.

"I got you something. For Christmas, I mean."

I pull out the box from my pocket and pass it to her, watching as she smiles and folds back the blue wrapping paper. She lifts the lid and looks up at me, then back down, picking up the elegant wooden bookmark inside and turning it over, admiring it. I had gotten her name engraved into it, along with roses bordering the edges in reds and greens.

"Kil," she says, looking up into my eyes. "I love it. It's just- just perfect. Thank you."

I smile down at my lap and reply, "You're welcome."

"I got you something too, but- it's nothing like this."

She picks up her wand and murmurs something as a glittering package comes floating down the stairs and lands in her hands. She holds it out to me.

"Here. It's not much, but I thought- well just open it."

The wrapping is impeccable, and the bow sits just right on top of the gift. I wouldn't expect any less from Rose though. I carefully pull off the bow and flip the package upside-down, peeling up the tape and unfolding the paper slowly. A heavy silver chain falls into my lap. I pick it up gingerly and run my finger along the letters indented into a long plate along the middle. "KILLIAN" it says in a bold typeface.

"It's a bracelet, but- not…. Well, it's a manly bracelet. I did the name myself, so it wasn't really expensive or anything. I mean, if you-"

I cut her off.

"Thank you. It's just- great," I say genuinely. "Help me?"

I hold out my left wrist and the bracelet, and she takes it from me, brushing her fingers against my skin as she puts it on my wrist and locks the clasp. For a second, I feel that same feeling from the previous night, but I drop my arm and she retracts hers, setting it in her lap along with the other.

"Thank you," I mumble again.

There's a silence, and we both look up at each other.

"It suits you."

I lift my finger and run it along the letters once more. It's a beautiful gift. The best I've ever gotten even. She's right, it does suit me. I have a feeling I'll remember Rose whenever I feel the cold metal pressing against my skin.

"Yeah."

She smiles and swings her legs over the edge of the seat.

"Come on, let's go to breakfast."

…

_Clip, clip, clip._

The bracelet bounces against my wrist as I walk, Rose by my side. The noise is so quiet, I can only hear it if I try really hard and tune Rose out. So, I nod a couple of times every now and then, and listen to the reassuring clip. It's like a piece of her inside of that chain.

"It's strange, walking around the castle in my pajamas. Almost like…. I'm naked in a way."

Out of the corner of my eye I see her smile, and I return my attention to her.

"I guess, but it's not like there's anyone here to see, only the ones who were at the ball last night. And the professors I guess."

"Still."

We head up the stairs again, back to the tower.

_Hogsmeade is probably nice at this time of year. We should go. It's Christmas, and there's not bound to be many people there anyways. _

I hear a knocking and the singsong voice of a riddle being given.

"Brothers and sisters I have none but this man's father is my father's son. Who is the man?"

Rose speaks quickly, sighing.

"My son."

The door swings open and we walk into the common room, now brighter from the windows shining the light reflected off the snow below.

"Go get dressed," I say, the lilt of my voice sounding awkward to me all of the sudden. Out of place.

"Hm?"

"Get dressed. Hurry, I'll meet you back here in a few minutes."

"Where are we going?"

I lightly push her towards the girl's dormitories and she smiles, looking back as she climbs the stairs quickly. Her fingers skim the banister lightly and disappear around a corner. And suddenly all I can think is, _she has beautiful hands._

…

You know how sometimes, the smallest things can make you love a person. I don't mean the mushy stuff, but the way they let their hand brush by yours as you walk. Rose does that. It can drive me crazy, but it's nice. It's like she's asking me to hold her hand. And so I do. I entwine my fingers with hers as we enter the Three Broomsticks. We sit down at a table, hands segregating to opposite sides, and I order us two butterbeers. She speaks up as the bartender slinks away.

"I don't know why I didn't think of coming here. It's so different, when everyone's gone."

I pause and nod in response.

"So, what're you gonna do when break is over?"

"What do you mean?"

I can tell she knows exactly what I mean, because she nudges her hand closer to mine on the tabletop, trying to distract me.

"When he comes back?"

"Kil. Can we just- not talk about this? Not now at least?"

"Whatever."

I pull my hand off the table just as she moves hers closer. I look up, waiting for the drinks to come and relieve me. After a minute, my prayers are answered as the slightly dingy bartender comes gliding back over, mugs in hand. I take my glass with a thank you and quickly take a strong swing. Rose stares at me with a questioning look on her face, confused by my sudden behavior.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine."

She stops for a second, contemplating whether or not to leave it be.

"No," she says solemnly, "you're mad at me. I get it. I just don't feel like talking now, okay?"

"Okay. It's fine. Just- let it be for now."

Rose smiles and stands, moving across the table to sit next to me. I can feel the warmth of her skin through the fabric of my jeans. I realize, this is how we were sitting before we were interrupted on the train the first time we met. Like, really met. I look up at her and she leans in, smiling her little smile and kissing me on the lips, snaking her hand over my shoulders and into my hair. I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her in closer. She pulls away after a minute and speaks up softly.

"I really like you Kil."

I smile gently and pull her in again, pressing my lips to her in a heated kiss. Short, but full of passion.

"Me too."

She leans back and touches her hand to my shoulder nervously.

"So… well, what are we then?"

"I-I don't really know."

She cocks her head, seemingly in deep thought, before she speaks with a sense of finality and surety.

"You know what? It doesn't really matter anymore does it?"

I don't answer, not sure if the question was one that was meant to be answered.

"No. I like you, and I guess that's all there is. Huh?"

"Yeah. I guess."

She speaks, her voice almost a whisper from the soft tone she's using now.

"I really mean it Kil. I like you."

I smile and kiss her once more, this one more like a peck than anything else.


End file.
